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FOOD for THOUGHT

September 6, 2018

ON ADOPTION: When birth records were sealed... 

On the very day when a child, destined for adoption is born, a heartbreaking trauma occurs. Until recently, this is an upheaval professionals in the field of adoption have never deigned to recognize as the single most influential trait of any adoptee’s psyche. Whether one wants to admit it or not, the shock of instantly separating from one’s mother is so great, that the injury stays with her for the rest of her life, worn like an invisible skin. That the adoptee is obviously there when the event occurs is often discounted. Of course, she knows what it feels like to be abandoned by her mother and then handed over to strangers. Suddenly and inexplicably severed from the one with whom she has bonded in utero for forty weeks? Taken from the sole individual to whom she is genetically, historically, emotionally, psychologically, even spiritually connected? No one should ever deny a newborn adoptee her feelings of that devastating loss. She’s been orphaned for heaven’s sake!

             “… the comparison between [the death of an infant’s mother] and relinquishment at the time of adoption is valid, because for the child abandonment is a kind of death,
not only of the mother, but of part of the Self, that core-being or essence of oneself
which makes one feel whole.”
(Primal Wound; Mac Newton Verrier)